Shizz I'm Pretending Is Normal

1. Unopened AARP membership invitations

2. Seeing a Shingles commercial. Understanding it's for people over 50, feeling completely unbothered and then remembering that I'm over 50, I got mine already and feeling ahead of the game, accomplished and responsible with my life.

3. Daylight Savings Time

4. My neck

5. Gray hair in my eyebrows, ridiculously long nose hairs, chin hairs that possess the unmatched strength and power of the ages.

6. That young people consider being old to be a failing of some sort, without considering the alternative.

7. Seeing/reading about old people, reading they're younger than me and swallowing down the surprisingly intense shock and irritation. Being offended by my classmates/peers who look like the grandparents they are and haven't fought nearly as hard enough against nature and the inevitable as they should have.

8. Pulling my breasts out from under my arms when Iying down.

9. That people don't understand everything is made up: the systems, the institutions, the religions, the rules and that everything we think, believe and value is what we've been taught and conditioned to think, believe and value. And that people get offended when you say it.

10. That I am extremely spoiled to have two mothers (Mom and Mother-in-love), my father and that one day, I will need to be a real grown-up and can only hope to be as legendary as they are.